I’d like to think I came a long way from the overly blunt, rude teenager that I was years and years ago. 16 to be exact. You become wiser, mature and a bit more thoughtful and realize that words hurt and not everything you think of should roll off your tongue. Cool.
The adulting process has taught me that while I should think before I react, I still need to be honest with myself and others. What I thought at times was just “letting it go” really said to others “It’s okay to treat me this way”. Even what I choose to listen to says a lot. I.e everybody’s issues or gossip which leaves me drained and distracted from what I have to do.
In the recent months I’ve had to address and cut communication with those who only reach out for a favor, promote something or throw their problems at me without a care on how I’m doing. Like WTF do I look like ? One of the girls from Erykah Badu’s “bag Lady video?! Nah
I don’t like to play victim so I had to ask myself why are people comfortable to call you with mess, try and use you as a Rolodex. The answer was cause I let them and take part. So I had to start speaking up which believe it or not for a blabber mouth like me was uncomfortable. When we care about relationships and want to save it we will bite our tongues and hold our feelings back for the sake of an argument. Harboring all these feelings isn’t doing anything good for my health or that relationship for that matter.
I’ve taken this approach with even business partnerships and personal life. No you don’t have to be nasty to follow up on an invoice, to disagree with a contract or to tell a friend about something that’s bothering you.
Just practicing this consistently when needed (because some things aren’t worth my breath) has helped me so much. It’s like decluttering and cleansing for the soul. I’ve learned that self care is deeper than my mani, pedi and hair dos. Sometimes it requires being uncomfortable, putting yourself first and being brutally honest. Like I’m not a politician so you gon get this honesty even if it means making you uncomfortable .
Anybody else struggle with having to address unhealthy relationships?
Outfit
Sleeveless jacket- My mother gifted me from a local boutique
Tank- Tjmaxx
Vintage Levis jeans – Thrifted
Feather Mules- Tibi (no longer available bit have great sales) this