Two years ago I did a post on Self Care and talked about what that meant to me and how I practiced it. You will still catch me doing weekly bath bombs and biweekly spa visits, but since the last post a few things have been added
I’m pretty sure Journaling is just a fancier word than diary for adults. You couldn’t pay me to write in a diary as a kid or a teen, but journaling as an adult is therapeutic as heck. It literally feels like with every word I’m releasing whatever it is that’s bothering me that day or noticing a shift in mood and seeing change through each entry. Sometimes I accidentally fall on an old page and think “Look at you making progress V!”
Although my dreams of sitting on a pink velvet or leopard couch didn’t come true, I’m seeing a therapist and loving it. Having a spouse, friends and loved ones to speak to is cool, but it doesn’t always mean they are qualified to help you with all things or can do so without a bias feedback. Seeing a specialist means I’m paying you for your time so there’s no “girl you’ll be alright” quick responses or “let me call you back!”. It’s routine, accountability and progress check all in one visit.
Looking your best
My mother told us growing up “You don’t have to look like your problems!” We were always raised to look our best when stepping out, but this statement to me also means to look like a victor not a victim. It’s means putting a little effort whether it be steaming your clothes instead of just throwing something on. It means not looking like your to do list. My first pick me up after prayer in the morning is always getting dressed or simply looking put together even on days when I’m not feeling my best. Try it if you must, but it’s hard to be slumped with a good statement piece or a bold lip!
Company you keep
Let me start off by saying that the thoughts we keep is Company. Lately I’ve had to edit my thoughts a lot and work on breathing techniques to keep me from thinking or creating a bigger problem than I actually have. Second I’ve had to check patterns and feelings to realize that I’d been holding on to relationships that no longer served me or made me feel good. Reality was that the insanity was my new norm because I allowed it to be. It took util my 30’s to really see that the company you keep will either add or subtract to your life and journey. We want what we want and sometimes think we have a way of changing people to better fit our lives and plans. Found myself thinking “God if only this person just didn’t do this or did it my way” . It’s like no Vanessa it was a misfit and not even instructions could have made that friendship work. Lastly I had to be honest that I was at fault sometimes and that maybe I wasn’t what they needed. Not a fun experience , but ya know growing pains.
* Thrifted linen blazer
* H&M boyfriend jeans
How do you self care lately?
Top: New Zara
Boots : New Zara(Currently on sale in stores)
Pants: old Zara buy
waist beads: www.shopiccon.com
It seems like Friday’s lately involves my third grader and his school. Last week I woke up late and had to drive him to school. This Friday he tells me that he can wear the color green. I get a call from my daughter this morning telling me all the kids from his school have their uniforms on and no green anything. Wooosah
So now I have to take my extra ass to the school to bring him his uniform because umm you don’t get a free pass because you “thought you heard” that green is he theme. I’m thinking about wearing this. Cause it’s casual Friday soooo why not?!
this is going to be me waiting at the front desk with his uniform like hey son! 😂😂👋🏾
If you have children I pray you can laugh at the shenanigans like I’ve been doing for my sanity or else I’ll be picking up my dreadlocks every step. If you don’t still laugh at something today because life’s too damn good not to.
Enjoy your weekends!
Jeans- old H&M
Coat- Bobby From Boston
Mules – Tibi- no longer available
Track: Raekwon Ft. Method Man “Ice Cream” Thrifter Fur
H&M turtle neck
I’d like to think I came a long way from the overly blunt, rude teenager that I was years and years ago. 16 to be exact. You become wiser, mature and a bit more thoughtful and realize that words hurt and not everything you think of should roll off your tongue. Cool. The adulting process has taught me that while I should think before I react, I still need to be honest with myself and others. What I thought at times was just “letting it go” really said to others “It’s okay to treat me this way”. Even what I choose to listen to says a lot. I.e everybody’s issues or gossip which leaves me drained and distracted from what I have to do.
In the recent months I’ve had to address and cut communication with those who only reach out for a favor, promote something or throw their problems at me without a care on how I’m doing. Like WTF do I look like ? One of the girls from Erykah Badu’s “bag Lady video?! Nah
I don’t like to play victim so I had to ask myself why are people comfortable to call you with mess, try and use you as a Rolodex. The answer was cause I let them and take part. So I had to start speaking up which believe it or not for a blabber mouth like me was uncomfortable. When we care about relationships and want to save it we will bite our tongues and hold our feelings back for the sake of an argument. Harboring all these feelings isn’t doing anything good for my health or that relationship for that matter.
I’ve taken this approach with even business partnerships and personal life. No you don’t have to be nasty to follow up on an invoice, to disagree with a contract or to tell a friend about something that’s bothering you.
Just practicing this consistently when needed (because some things aren’t worth my breath) has helped me so much. It’s like decluttering and cleansing for the soul. I’ve learned that self care is deeper than my mani, pedi and hair dos. Sometimes it requires being uncomfortable, putting yourself first and being brutally honest. Like I’m not a politician so you gon get this honesty even if it means making you uncomfortable .
Anybody else struggle with having to address unhealthy relationships?
Sleeveless jacket- My mother gifted me from a local boutique
Vintage Levis jeans – Thrifted
Feather Mules- Tibi (no longer available bit have great sales) this
A few weeks ago I had a speaking engagement and was trying on outfits the hour prior. My daughter walks in and says “you’re wearing that shirt? I feel like you wear it a lot”
Me: yes it’s mine, I bought it to wear it. Style is not about how much you have. It’s what you do with it and how it makes you feel! Oh and You’re grounded!!!!!!!
(My daughter was referring to this top) The thing is she’s 15 with the same mentality that a lot of my clients have. There is no point in having clothing that you won’t use to maximize your wardrobe. If repeating is not your thing then cool, but most people would like to but don’t know how.The trick to getting the most use is experimenting and taking risks. We tend to wear the same pieces the same way. Each time you go to pull that piece challenge yourself to wear it differently. Even if it’s just a different top or shoes etc. This way you are building up your confidence to getting out of your comfort zone while maximizing your wardrobe! A win.
This Line By K skirt is one of those closet essentials that’s going to work all seasons and work with all body types!
I’m going to have a mini series breaking down why you have nothing to wear. The first few will be about repeating pieces and taking risks!
Leave me any questions you have on this part of it! Anybody else repeat the heck out of their clothes?
Tjmaxx earrings, vintage shirt (was under $5) 7 years old
H&M turtleneck , Beriqisu , Pour La Victoire boots from TJ Maxx , sock from Marshalls
H&M men’s shirt , vintage coat from Bobby From Boston
December was long. I mourned, rested, laid in bed…A lot. This rolled over into January and then I reminded myself that
1. I have the right to take as much time as I need.
2. You may never get over loss.
3. Life still continues, the sun still rises and sets even when we are still.
4. Through loss you gain new perspective.
5. Healing sometimes means moving again and showing gratitude for what we do have. Gratitude eats away at pity and pain.I had my 2nd #NewYorkCoffeeTalk of the year this past weekend and it was all I needed. New faces, old faces, hugs, fashion and good energy all balled up in our little reserved area. A Forever high! A reminder of why I started and will elevate the series.I’ve been adulting when it’s comes to traveling and packing. Meaning I fly with one carry on, 3 footwear option and 6-7 pieces of clothing. That’s a big deal for someone who usually packs like a crazy person. If you’re new to following me- I don’t pre pick outfits. Packing is more like grab items that matches my current mood and include a top and bottom. Outfit
The morning of Coffee Talk I give myself some time to reflect, prepare for the day and then pick an outfit on the spot. It always works. The crazy and procrastinator in me wouldn’t have it any other way!
Tee shirt- Walmart
Vintage Bustier- thrifted
Skirt- Tibi ON SALE HERE! Use Monroe Steele’s code Monroe20 for extra 20% off !
Pour La Victoire Boots- Local T.J Maxx
Socks- The Sock Shack
Photographer : Rose L.
December 9th I hosted the last #NewYorkCoffeeTalk of the year on Fashion & Finance Ft. Micaela Verrelien. While having a telephone convo Micaela mentioned how “some creatives still don’t know what an EIN is”. I thought wow, we have to do a coffee talk on Fashion & Finance. It’s easy to share places to shop and how to look, but being financially fit is so much more important. Micaéla who is a an accountant by day deals with numbers, budgeting and invoicing all day so she was the perfect host to help us set the tone for 2018!
You know wasn’t no snow about to stop NY creatives from linking up. Micaéla gave us tips on billing,contracts and the types of business accounts we can have. Other attendees shared their experience and what has worked for them. So informative and so exciting to hear about current businesses and hustles and the ventures that are to come .
Thank you Micaéla for hosting! you were the bomb!
Photography by : Jennelle Gordon
Follow her Instagram for more of her amazing work!
Our Sponsor for this Coffee Talk was First Aid Financial
An Insurance Company that aids in Dependent Care Planning, Retirement Planning Solutions and Life Insurance . We learned so much more about Life insurance outside of what some already knew,the basic information and myths that some of us had about it. Follow their business page Here to learn more about the services provided and to contact one of their reps to get started!