I love coffee. I really do. However, I don’t have time to be having coffee all the time with anyone and with no purpose. ” Let’s grab coffee!” is not what it used to mean prior to social media and DM’s. Years ago I was that woman that was saying yes to every meeting request all while having a monthly meet up #BostonCoffeeTalk. It became draining and a huge waste of my time. The moments in my car after pointless and energy sucking meetings made me approach coffee dates differently. I have had to accept the last two years that while it’s a nice gesture from some and others a way to avoid a consultation, I just can’t do it. Time is money and if we can email or text or jump on a call let’s do that instead.No there is no way to ever tell for sure what peoples intentions are(Your gut be right 95% of the time), but some things to think about when you get asked for a sit down is
- What are we meeting about?
- How can I be of service?
- Can I afford to meet with this person? (Time , Gas, etcSome of my friends/blogger gals who also get asked the same question have found it hard to say no with the fear of saying it the wrong way or hurting someones feeling. So how do you say no to a coffee date you ask? Ask questions! Regardless of what you think their intentions are ask anyways if you have the time. You can never be sure if you don’t ask. Typically for me an invite to meet via DM is a red flag if we don’t speak often or have never met. It’s actually very rude if I must say. Anyways, I ask “What would we be meeting about?” This forces them to speak their intentions outright and out loud. Sometimes people will ask without even asking themselves that question so ask instead of waiting to meet in order to find out. Once they tell me I then will be honest about my availability, a service that I offer in place of it or if it’s better to email I’ll recommend that. Truth is nobody likes a no, but those who take it personal was only in it for themselves anyways. Besides considering time and or a service, energy and accessibility is big for me. I am not as accessible as I once was for the sake of preserving my energy and maintaining my sanity. Unapologetically so. People will suck you dry if you let them. I have had people break their neck to get my time only to waste my time and then say they had it. Bruh. Nah.
When I have this discussion with my friends I always reference an interview I read that Oprah did with Inc. Magazine where she stated that she almost always turn down meetings and prefer email. You’re not alone and shouldn’t feel bad. The more discipline I become the more mindful I am of my time and how I want to spend it. While I am particular about it I have also learned to respect other peoples time and how I handle it once its given to me. All growth, nothing personal.
Do you struggle with turning down a dinner or coffee meeting?
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